Jail Humor    

Why couldn't the Inmate call his friend? - He didn't have a cell phone.

Although I studied hard in school, I did not do well in Biology.  In biology class, we were asked what two things are commonly found in cells.
Apparently, Negros and Mexicans was not a correct answer.

A midget clairvoyant has escaped from the county jail. - APB reads: small medium at large.

A poll was taken in a sex offender block at a jail.  The Inmates were asked what college team they liked best.  BYU was the hands down favorite.

Subject: Prison vs. Work:

 IN PRISON ... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK ... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

 IN PRISON ... you get three meals a day.
AT WORK ... you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

 IN PRISON ... you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK ... you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

IN PRISON ... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK ... you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for

 IN PRISON ... you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK ... you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

 IN PRISON ... you get your own toilet.
AT WORK ... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

 IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit;
AT WORK ... you can't even speak to your family.

 IN PRISON ... all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work
AT WORK ... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they
deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

 IN PRISON ... you spend most of your life looking through bars from inside
wanting to get out.
AT WORK ... you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside

IN PRISON ... you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK ... they are called your Boss.

A man escapes from a prison where he has been kept for 15 years.  He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.  He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.  While tying the wife to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes!  He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.  I saw how he kissed your neck.  If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction, no matter how much he ravages you.  This guy is probably damned dangerous.  If he gets angry, he'll kill us!  Be strong, honey.  I love you" To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck".  He was whispering in my ear.  He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.  I told him where to find it.  Be strong, honey.  I love you, too."

Updated: May 19, 2015

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